Anniversaries and Milestones

Have you ever looked forward to something so long that you forgot to actually celebrate? 😂 In the blur of Thanksgiving food, family, and festivities, I realized I had an anniversary! Last week marked my 4 year “Cancerversary”- the day I was diagnosed. (Yep, that’s a thing!) While this used to hold an ominous place in my memories, time has gradually changed my heart about it. So much has happened in the last 4 years. Sure, a lot of it had to do with cancer. Lots of scans, procedures, treatments, and life changes that I didn’t really have on my life plan. AND…Andrew and I got married. ♥️ We spent lots and lots of time with family. ♥️ I started a newsletter I love and a podcast that is so much fun. ♥️ Some of my favorite people had babies! ♥️ I baked so many cookies and drank so many cups of tea. ♥️ I’ve slowed down, savored good things, and been completely carried by God. ♥️ I’m not trying to say that cancer was “worth it,” or that it “gave me” something. (Hell no!) Any goodness that grew out of this crazy plot twist is by the grace of God! Every day we walk together, He continues to show me all the little ways He loves me, provides for me, and keeps His promises…no matter what may befall me here on earth! He got me through it, and He got me here. 🙌

Somewhere along my journey, I discovered the “Living Our Breast Lives” Podcast. It was the first community I found just for metastatic breast cancer thrivers- totally game changer for me! In one episode, they mentioned adding an event to your phone’s calendar on your cancerversary. Just a little reminder that one year from today, when you see it, you’ll remember to celebrate how far you’ve come. I plan on being here. But for a long time, it was scary to plan too far ahead. I was just conscious of how quickly things could change, and couldn’t handle any more disappointment, you know? I could feel everyone around me holding their breath. As a collective, we took one day at a time, one treatment plan at a time…and it’s amazing how far that will get you!

Time has been gentle to me. Every month that passes, the farther we get from more dramatic seasons, I relax a little. (And I hope you, sweet friends and readers, do, too!) I can tentatively look ahead and dream dreams and feel like a normal 33 year old. Time is a privilege. Time is to be celebrated. And next year, November 19, 2024 will mark my 5 year cancerversary. At that point, I will be a MTNBC unicorn! 😂 I’ll save the stats and the sparklers til then, but it’s so close. I just looked up and realized I was 4 years into this crazy journey. (Which honestly makes me feel better about turning 34 next month! Half of me wonders, “Where did my youth go??” The other half is constantly blaring the Rocky theme song, taking one victory lap after another. BRING IT!) 🙌

I also have a milestone on the horizon. I’m so happy to report that insurance has finally approved a PET Scan! (Yahoo!!) I was hoping to hear “No Evidence of Disease” back in September, but it didn’t work out. (If you recall, we couldn’t get a PET Scan at all, and then the CT Scan wasn’t totally clear. A bit of a let down.) I’m excited to finally cross this off our agenda, and I’m hopeful that no new surprises are lurking for us. I’d appreciate your prayers for December 7! We’ll hear results from Dr. Tan on December 13.

Since we’re just being real today, a few more tidbits for you: For the past 4 years, I’ve taken a pregnancy test before every infusion. It’s a safety precaution for any woman “in childbearing years,” as chemo drugs would be super harmful for a baby. We’ve also watched my hormones in the blood work. I’ve been in artificial menopause for… almost 4 years? 😜… but it seems that I might actually be there to stay. (says the bloodwork) So, this milestone means that I no longer have to pass a pregnancy test once a month. One the one hand, It’s nice not to be reminded that I indeed am not (and probably won’t be) pregnant every time we go to Levine’s. One the other hand, I’m not totally closing that door in my mind. I asked Dr. Tan if my body was in this state forever, but she said, “Well, you never know! You’re so young.” 🤷‍♀️ Soooo, we’ll see?? (It’d just be nice to kick the hot flashes, you know?) I’m one of the “lucky” ones- so many breast cancer patients end up having ovaries removed or total hysterectomies just to stay alive. I haven’t had the emotional capacity to totally unpack the fertility topic, and today isn’t really that day, either- ha! But I will say that if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this journey, it’s that God can work miracles when He sees fit to do so. Maybe this might be on His list. Maybe it’s not. I’ve seen my fair share of miracles already, and it does feel selfish to ask for any more. (Especially for myself) But I trust Him to fill my heart with His love, no matter what. My perception of what I need in this life is an evolving picture. I’m just trying to let Him do the drawing!

…just another day, throwing my whole life on the internet! LOL Thank you for caring to read it, sweet friends, and for being such a safe place for me to share all my thoughts. I’m so blessed to have you in my corner! ♥️

That’ll do for tonight’s updates! I’ll let you know how life looks after December 13th!