Playing Chess
The board is set and the pieces are moving, friends! I’ve been waiting, praying, and wondering what to do about “next year”- that hypothetical timeline that may or may not revolve around an academic calendar- for… months? It’s pretty easy to drive yourself crazy by sweating the details on the daily. Soooo, I’ve tried not to! 🥴️
I shared in a previous newsletter about a discernment exercise I tried. When I looked back on major decisions in my life, I realized that there was a pattern of God presenting clear choices at the right time. Because I didn’t have a clear idea of choices or paths this spring, I concluded that maybe it wasn’t yet time to decide. 🤷♀️ I just really tried to lean into the truths I knew:
God wants good for me.
He is faithful to provide what I need.
I can trust Him with my present AND my future.
Well, in the past few weeks, little puzzle pieces started clicking into place. I didn’t really feel peace or closure, but all of a sudden I had very specific questions. Mommy said, “Asking questions is how you find answers.” (Amen!) The vague, foggy “Future” seemed to clear up one baby step at a time. Little leads like a contact to call, a packet to read, a random comment about a possibility to consider, a to-do list that just flowed out of me and was totally accomplished in one afternoon…it all seemed like chess pieces methodically mapping out my future, one move at a time. (And yes, this is all super vague! You know how that goes.) 😜
One of those chess moves included me updating my teaching resume. That was an adventure! The file was so old that my computer couldn’t even open it without a Google extension- that’s how deeply it was buried. (Not switching jobs for 10 years will do that!) It made me giggle. After backspacing gems like “impactful college courses” and “international travel,” I decided to just scrap the whole thing and start fresh. My new, shiny resume lists all the necessary info, and some actual professional experience. (haha)
Part of me felt really proud of myself, thinking, “Wow! I look really good on paper.” 😂 But I also felt a little sad that this sparkly career was tragically derailed by cancer way too soon. (Another “what could have been” for the books) AND, while all of that swirled inside of me, I was also a little anxious, questioning if this was really what I was supposed to be doing. Can I go back? Can I really do this again? But…those chess pieces! Updating my resume seemed like a logical, grownup thing to do. So here we were!
Would you believe that within 24 hours of finishing that bad boy, I was sitting in an interview chair?? (Remember those random comments and little leads? This was one.) I had no clue what position was open, or if I even wanted it or was capable of taking it, but there I sat. I’m happy to report that it went so well! I typed up some notes to hold while I spoke, anticipating some of the things I’d be asked, just like my cognitive therapy trained me to do. I was able to speak clearly and organize my thoughts, and even came up with respectable answers! #highfive The interview launched straight into questions, so I wasn’t asked to “share a little about myself” until the very end. At which point, I shared the Cliff’s Notes version of my cancer journey and how it impacted my education career. I felt so calm and confident summarizing that the job they had probably wasn’t a good fit for me, but I really appreciated their time. I feel like we parted amicably, with mutual understanding that I’m qualified and they’re wonderful, but not a match today. (Sounds like a quirky first date, but I guess interviews kindof are!) 😂
I still don’t really know where I’m going to land, but what a great series of events! I responded to a lead, polished up my resume, and built my confidence. Maybe this will lead to something else. Maybe it’s just meant to break the ice and ease me back into thinking about education. Who knows?? 🤷♀️ Either way, I can say that these pieces are completely Jesus-led. The opportunity fell from the sky. The contact was random. I didn’t overanalyze it, I just took a baby step in a direction that was newly-illuminated. And I didn’t cry. LOL Winning all around!
Thank you, thank you, to everyone who has prayed for my future plans and continued health! I appreciate you taking time to think of little old me, and truly believe that it makes a difference. I am just amazed to realize that my hardcore, paperwork-of-life deadline to a decision is drawing nigh in (checks calendar) about two weeks…and here, right on time, the chess pieces finally moving. Moving with purpose, methodically, leading me to good things in God’s time. If you are also waiting with baited breath, wondering what God will do, I hope you know:
God wants good for you.
You can trust Him with your present and future.
He is faithful to provide what we need.
Jesus came “to give light to those who sit in darkness and… to guide our feet into the way of peace.” (Luke 1:79) It’s still pretty dark over here, but it’s like someone turned on the lights in a new hallway. So I’m just heading over there! 🙌 I’ll keep you posted, friends!
