Something (or maybe a lot of somethings) tensed in my life around Thanksgiving. Day to day stress, long term worries, relationship strain, inner fears, heartfelt prayers, and- oh yea- #cancer. 😜 I remember December feeling like a huge struggle, and it kind of just funked its way into January, then February. I woke up with heavy anxiety on my heart day after day, just trying to stay afloat, plugging leaks as I could. Not my favorite season, for sure. As mentioned in a recent newsletter, some of those issues were “bloggable.” (You know about those) Others, not so much. Maybe one day in my memoirs, I’ll chronicle the sticky wickets and taboo topics in the back. Cancer + money, marriage, sex, etc. “Disclaimer: Skip this chapter, Daddy!” 😂 Real life is always real, guys. That’s about all I can say on that.

BUT things got better! ::cha cha slide to some new scenery::

The other day, I looked around and thought, “Huh! I’m okay!” I’ve tackled some big fears. A long list of appointments finally ended. My energy level and general stamina seem to have improved, and I actually have the margin to do things, love people, and go through my days with happiness and hope! 🙌 Here’s the funny thing about “Jesus, take the Wheel!” Seasons… one day, you just look behind you at all the miles between you and the hot mess that life was a few short months ago. All you can say is a baffled, “Thank you!” knowing how little of your own strength and effort actually got you there, because you didn’t have any. 😭 ♥️

God is so good!

Routines that are making me smile…

• Morning tea and “Jesus Calling” for a few minutes before starting my day.

• Afternoon walks- now with sunscreen and a mask. #spring

• Sweeping and mopping to a good podcast.

• My weekly small group meetings.

• Cuddling up with a good book before I go to bed.

Special events that are making me smile…

• Family time over Easter weekend

• Weekend adventures with my sweet Andrew 😘

• Another haircut, because this hair is growing!

• Spa day at Rockbarn with a group of metastatic breast cancer thrivers!

• Excitedly counting down for two squishy, new babies for special people in my life! 😍

• Cleaning out our closet, good talks with friends, Moo snuggles, the bluest skies and the greenest trees, “normal” days that just seem to flow by without unwelcome heaviness on my heart.

There has been such a sweetness to life lately. 😊 (Like, Mozart adagios sweetness) What’s different? Well, nothing. Our life circumstances remain unchanged. But the more I seek God’s goodness, and set aside my worries for even 5 minutes, it seems less serious. I still have no clue at all if I’m going to try to go back to teaching. 🤷‍♀️ I still don’t know where we’ll be in 5 months or 5 years. The planner in me will randomly remember and panic, but I can feel a loosening on the grip it held. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for soothing my soul every time I need it! Returning an email can wait a few hours. Burning questions don’t have to be Googled. Small, day to day tasks are what I’ve been given. So small, day to day tasks are what need my energy today. The urgency I felt to figure out all the things doesn’t feel so urgent. My spirit settles slowly into that sweetness, surrounded by God’s presence and love and goodness. Sure, it gets interrupted. But I’m finding that it comes back more easily than it once did. I call that progress, but more accurately, let’s call it grace. 😭 ♥️

What patience would wait as we constantly roam
What Father, so tender, is calling us home
He welcomes the weakest, the vilest, the poor
Our sins they are many, His mercy is more

Praise the Lord, His mercy is more
Stronger than darkness, new every morn
Our sins they are many, His mercy is more - Shane & Shane “His Mercy is More'“

I just keep on roaming, friends! But He keeps pulling me back. His mercies are new every morning, and it’s another chance for me to reset, walk through my day with Him, and experience what He has planned for me instead of rehearsing what I worry could happen in the future. It’s a daily task. But so is His love for me! ♥️

If you’re in a “Jesus, take the wheel!” Season, this is me cheering you on! I pray that you keep on keepin’ on, knowing that God wants good for you. Things may not snap into shape like we hope. They may slowly shift, one messy day at at time. But know this: Sweetness is on the horizon. His presence is the prize, and He loves us so!