Summer Anthem

I’m FINALLY writing a blog post, everybody! 🥳️ 😂 It has been a long, long summer of prayers and paperwork, and I think things have finally settled enough for me to post about it here! I vaguely alluded to the ups and downs in last week’s newsletter, but let me tell you about my summer.

A Little Backstory

I have been so very blessed for the past few years on this cancer journey. All the big ticket items like healing, funds, insurance, etc have fallen into place right when I needed them. While it wasn’t always the way I pictured it, nor on my timeline, God provided all we needed. I tried to hold onto that as we waited for specific things in this season. While I haven’t worked at school for the past two years, I was “technically” still employed. My heart and mind focused elsewhere, but much of my adult life was still tied to the school system. I always knew, though, that my blessing of a situation was a limited time offer, and eventually I’d have to either come back full time or leave for real. (Or, miraculously, find another option that I didn’t know existed. Never rule out those God surprises!) 😜 Was I going back? When would I go back? How would I justify not going back? And if I didn’t, what would I do?

Back in June, it seemed that Door #3 had opened! It was an option to buy me more time before I had to choose: Go back to teaching full time, or leave to do something else. It brought me hope, and it reminded me that answered prayers sometimes look totally different from the options we present to God. It quieted my anxious heart, and it felt like a desert oasis, a break in the storm. I really needed that! …Now here’s the rub: Door #3 actually ended up closing. (What?! I know.) I was back to my old choices: Go back full time, or leave for real.

So what happened?

I remember calling Mommy at that point, asking, “Am I crazy? Should I just jump and see what happens?” I had prayed about this for years, so I had an idea of what “jumping” would entail. I just wasn’t excited about it. 😂 Now, I’ve debated how much of this to share with you (because, you know, I’m putting my life on the internet) but I feel like this series of events is nothing short of God working a million miracles on my behalf. So I share in the hopes that this will encourage anyone who is between a rock and a mountain of red tape! (LOL) Here’s the play-by-play:

I officially resigned from my teaching post. And then I got a job offer from another school system. (We’ll circle back to that! Talk about timing!) I had about 1 month left before my benefits expired. Let the tetris game begin! I knew I had to start moving appointments before my insurance lapsed. Some of them, I squeezed in early. Others, I pushed to September, hoping I’d be covered by then. This meant driving to other locations, or dropping everything to take a last-minute cancellation, and it was stressful. But when you have a chronic illness, missing or minimizing your medical care isn’t an option. One time, Andrew and our family was all out of town or busy, and I needed help to get the eye doctor. So my sweet friend, Jerrica, took like a 3 hour field trip with me to get me there. #thebest And there’s more! We elected to use COBRA (or basically pay for a luxury car that we’ll never see, haha). Levine’s has an assistance program. (Amazing news!) Andrew and I have never qualified for any of their grants, but we applied and were approved!! 🤯 🤩 They also wrapped up our outstanding debt into a super small, monthly payment, just as we entered a season of true penny pinching. 🙌 😭 In the midst of all that, I accepted that job offer! More paperwork and more waiting and more prayers, but with a very exciting outcome. And here we are in September, and my new job starts Tuesday, and my health insurance is reactivated. Hallelujah and amen!

I feel like that replay sounds fast and furious, and in a sense this summer really was. Mountains have moved in record time. On the other hand, waiting for the chess pieces to move was painfully slow. Some weeks were high action, while others were totally flat. My therapist said, “You’re doing such a good job of being patient and waiting!” 😂 #personalgrowth Truly, the only thing I could do was cling to God and trust Him to provide right on time. And He did it over and over again. Not just in a passable way, but in the best fit for me. I’ll never get over His generosity and faithfulness. I truly hope, if you are in a fast and furious season, that my summer story encourages you! While you’re waiting for God to move in a way you can see, trust that He’s working in your heart. And when all we can do is hand it to Him, just be with Him and escape the hamster wheel of worry and “What if’s?” What a gift!

I heard this on the radio, and it’s basically my summer anthem!

“When the rain you want is a flood instead
And the roses bloom, but they're not quite red
When I reach the edge of my bravery
I'll still be singing at the banks of an unparted sea

Sometimes the only way through, it is a hallelujah
Sometimes the only thing to do is just to give it to Ya…

There's what I want, and then there's where I'm at
Every one step forward, it got me five steps back
And I cried, I called, God knows I prayed
But most days, faith is climbing up a mountain that stayed…

(Praise) don't always fix your problems, but it'll tell ya how small they are…
It won't always move the mountain, but it's good for the heart…

You'll never know what it's gonna change, but it'll always leave a mark…
Yeah, I might see walls start falling, or it might just change my heart.”

-Benjamin William Hastings, Blessing Ofor “That’s the Thing About Praise”

So even though I’m still a little nervous about the future, God’s got this! And He has me. 🥰️

What about that job, Caitlan??

Here’s the news! I’ll still work at church two mornings a week. I really enjoy it, and am glad to be able to help there. The other three days each week, I will be a reading tutor at an elementary school in the county. 🤩 I start after Labor Day. (So by the time you read this, I’ll probably be going strong!) I will pull small groups from grades K-6. I’m sure you’re buzzing with other questions- so am I!- but I’m so excited to find out the answers. I promise to report back soon! This job feels like a baby step back into education, and a great way for me to use my gifts in a safe space. It has the flexibility I need in this season, and just fits like a missing puzzle piece to what God crafted for me last year. I get teary eyed when I just sit back and take it all in. God is so good, friends!

One More Thing

This is the face of a girl who had a perfectly uneventful trip to the podiatrist! No issues. No surprise surgery. Just a few happy tears. After a year without chemotherapy, I finally have 10 healthy toenails. Yahoo!!