Taking Flight
Happy August, friends! I hope you enjoyed your summer, soaking up the season however you like best. 😊 I’m pretty satisfied with mine: Fun podcast project, low-key visits with friends, good health, some quality family time, etc. It was kind of a blur, to be honest, but the gradual unfolding of days and weeks on the calendar makes me smile. Participating in the world, joining communities, and the general “doing life” thing together- I love it!
Some of the happy spots: I finally started a gallery wall project in our living room! I was so proud of myself for measuring and leveling so expertly, but I got tired before it was all on the wall. 😂 I look forward to finishing it and actually putting pictures in the frames. I also practiced a lot this summer, and played my french horn at church! (You can see it here, if you’d like! I’m about 40 minutes in) This was the first solo I’d played in many years. I loved having a reason to play a little bit every day after lunch, and it just made a happy summer routine. I truly love to play, but had to pause my french horn playing after 1- my brain tumor, and 2- a sudden metal allergy from my immunotherapy. (Sheesh) Years later, after much healing in both my body and my heart, I get to play again! ❤️️Other summer fun included local hang-outs with friends, trips with Andrew to pick apples, Olympic watch parties- a lovely mix of casual, “normal” life. What a gift!
A few physical updates…
I’m so thankful for my integrative medicine team! My cancer center has a whole separate building of support services to compliment my oncologist, the immunotherapy, etc. Dr. G is a new member to our entourage, but he was so very helpful. Andrew and I brought him a list of questions and random side effects. He sent us home with a list of new referrals and blood work. I guess it’s an even trade? 😂
This summer I’ve had several dizzy spells. I haven’t actually passed out, but it was often enough that we visited a cardiologist. It was wild to be on the same block, different shop! Sanger Heart Institute is right across the street from Levine’s. They have a whole cardio-oncology team, specializing in how cancer treatment affects heart function. And guess what? Mine has. 🤦♀️ I’m wearing a heart monitor for a few weeks so they can collect some data, but the hypothesis is that my early chemo treatments have weakened my heart muscles. It’s not as efficient as it used to be. No physical changes show in the scans (which is good!) and my immunotherapy is clear to continue (also good!) We’ll know more about next steps when I can turn in this monitor and they read the data.
My hair has started to shedding again, and I visited a dermatologist at LCI! He said that hair thinning is a side effect of my immunotherapy. (lovely) I’m trying two new scalp treatments, and hope to save my new hair from falling out. 🤞
TW: I also visited fertility for my hormonal questions. I’ve visited Dr. Matthews multiple times since 2019, never to actually discuss fertility treatments and options- LOL. She’s the expert on how cancer treatment affects those parts of my body. The verdict is in, friends: early menopause. Aunt Flo is not expected to return. My hot flashes and 10 extra pounds are here to stay. (The only treatment I’m allowed to seek are for the hot flashes. Hormonal therapy is a no-no for breast cancer thrivers.) Thus, babies aren’t a tangible dream at this time. My body has been through so much, and I know it’s doing all it can to keep me alive, let alone someone else. I was heartbroken to hear this explicitly. I am still grieving. I also trust that God is protecting me in ways I do not yet understand, and that He’ll hold me close until then. (if I ever do!)
Living with MBC is never dull! Surviving so many ups and downs gives me stamina and perspective that I didn’t always have. While the latest weirdness in my body sounds scary or sad, it’s also (for better or worse) just another Tuesday over here. 🥴️ So let’s celebrate some goodness, shall we?
Good Things and New Things
Access to amazing medical care and cancer treatment that has saved my life!
Excellent novels to read this summer! I love being so immersed and invested in new stories. 🤓
Baking excellent bread.
Joining a new community for Christian entrepreneurs called Rally! I’ve met so many girls from across the country and feel so encouraged. Rally gives me summer camp vibes with internship content. I’m learning from and with some amazing women! What a blessing!
“What are you learning, Caitlan?” you ask? Well, I’m learning about business! Which leads me to…
I started a business! 🥳️
I started an LLC for any future writing, speaking, and other business endeavors! I do not feel qualified in any way, but I do feel called to continue to share my story and God’s healing in my life. Thriving with breast cancer was never in my life plan, but God held me every step of the way. I have such a heart for women facing their own battles, and want to share that there is hope in dark seasons. I have a few ideas of how I can do that, and one of them is starting a line of merch “by thrivers, for thrivers!” You heard it here first: Still Good Co. is coming to a pop-up near you! (or online! Still figuring all that out!) 😂 I’m sourcing vendors and running the numbers. I have a beautiful design I’d like to see on hats, shirts, totes, and maybe some other things. I’d love to launch by October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but we’ll see how it goes! I’m going to start small. It’s important to me that women feel seen and supported in a way that actually raises money for Stage IV breast cancer research. So…I’m going to do it!
Last month, I wrote about a “baby bird of an idea.” Well, sweet friends, that baby bird is taking flight! So is this girl! Just a tea-sipping, Moo-snuggling, big hearted dreamer who is taking life one step at a time. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m clueless. AND I’m loved, I’m chosen, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made…and so are you! ❤️️
It’s so easy to count ourselves out, to list all the ways we’ll mess up before we even start, but God will send us the help we need where He calls us to go. I found this encouraging:
“The Lord God has given me his words of wisdom so that I may know what I should say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will.” - Isaiah 50:4
Morning by morning, He opens our understanding. Morning by morning, He’ll show us what we need to see. It’s ok if we can’t see step 1, 2, 3, 7, 16 or 97. He’ll lead us there when it’s time!
