Clarifying Questions
Happy mid-summer, friends! Life is chugging along over here, and I’m so thankful for your continued support, prayers, well-wishes, and more. It means so much to me that you take the time to keep up with little old me. ❤️️ Some days I wonder, “Should I report on life if there’s no news??” But I also realize that no news is great news! That makes your presence here even more special. Thanks for riding out the dramatic chapters of my story, and happily strolling through the latest ones!
So what’s happening??
School is out for summer, but I’m still working at church two mornings a week.
Still waiting to for fall plans to finalize- you know the drill! 🥴️
Monthly infusions continue.
I’m having the best time with my podcast! Thanks to those of you who are listening! 🥰️ It’s so much fun to talk to people I love about a topic we mutually love. Sharing memories, giggling together, and even stretching our topic into life lessons are making for some longer episodes. It’s a lot of work, honestly, but it’s so fun! We’re making such sweet memories. Head over to the Podcast tab after this to catch up!
I was interviewed for another podcast! (Very first time!) I’m not sure how it will turn out, or when it’s releasing, but I’ll keep you posted. It’s so bougie to say “Like my TV interviews…” haha- my only frame of reference- but the podcast interview was similar: I conveyed basically what I wanted to say, but not all of it, and not as smoothly, etc etc. But it is what it is! 😜
Deep Thoughts
Without giving away too much, the podcast interview was about suffering and I shared my cancer journey. (Riveting listening, I’m sure! LOL) I’ve spent a good deal of time capturing my cancer journey as it unfolded, as you well know, but not as much zooming out. I know that sharing my story is just that- my story- but I always want to be sensitive to how I portray cancer to the rest of the world. And it’s very important to me to stay honest, not spinning my experience into the Hallmark movie the world would like to see. Here’s what I landed on:
I know that any disease, decay and death were not in God’s original plan for us. They are signs of sin in the fallen world in which we live. I look forward to heaven where all pain and disease is gone!
We may not understand why God allows such painful things to happen in our lives, but He will never leave us. He will help us, provide for us, and love us forever!
Focusing on what God is doing, where I see His faithfulness, helps me look up from how I’m feeling. Seeing and celebrating His goodness has truly changed my day-to-day experience. (thus, long-term)
Four years into this journey, thanks to the grace of God, I truly remember more of His goodness than I do the heartbreak and devastation that cancer brought. (Hallelujah!)
I hope that my story encourages others that a cancer journey doesn’t have to be as dark as they’ve heard it may be. I hope to be a voice of honesty and hope, ultimately sharing God’s tender care with others!
I feel pretty solid about those points. Any shift in the verbiage or perspective makes me queasy. The world really wants us to reduce a cancer journey to platitudes or fortune cookies, and I just can’t sign onto that. 🤷♀️ I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about that until I had to articulate it in a new setting, in about 20 minutes- ha! People don’t know what they don’t know, and I have compassion for that. I think sharing my experience is one small way I can help those outside the cancer world understand more about thriver life. While I left the interview feeling super sweaty and a little unsure, I think it was good for me. I think I’ll always feel like I’m better in an email (haha), but practicing is how I’ll get better!
Most days, I happily go about my business: living life, podcasting, writing my newsletter, sharing my heart and life online, etc. Other days, I realize that this routine is so foreign and time-consuming, and question why and how I ever got here! Like, should I just scrap it and retreat back to my season of yore? What is this season anyway? Just this week I had another, “CAITLAN WHY AREN’T YOU TEACHING??” self-examination. But then I get a random message online from a survivor who’s encouraged by my posts, or an email from a reader that really needed that newsletter, or a text from a friend that just shared the podcast with someone new. I’m not changing the world over here, but I really want to be faithful to what I sense God is calling me to do. I can’t believe that He’d choose to use me this way, and yet it seems He might just be! Who am I to decide the best use of my life or story? So thank you, God, for sweaty, nervous interviews that clarify why I’m here and doing all of this. 😜❤️️
“What a wonderful God we have—he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us. You can be sure that the more we undergo sufferings for Christ, the more he will shower us with his comfort and encouragement.” - 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5 (The Living Bible)
He has given me so much help and comfort, I can only hope to try to pass that on to others! I pray that when comparison creeps back into my heart, or I feel impatient with this no-man’s land, He will gently remind me.
Annnnnd I’m going to stop there, sweet friends.
I really hope that I can share something fun with you next time! I have a baby bird of an idea that I’m really excited about, but still jumping through some hoops. I shall keep you posted!!
