Firsts and “First-in-a-While”s

I have to say that March 2024 will be one to remember! It was busy, but full in so many firsts and firsts-in-a-while. (haha) It’s amazing what God can do in a year- what about just one month?? Let’s hop into it, friends! I present my wild, wonderful month in chronological order.

I walked in a fashion show!

I sure did! The first weekend in March, I took part in the Barbara Levine Young Women’s Breast Cancer Program fundraiser. It was such a special memory. This was totally out of my comfort zone, but I said, “Yes!” right away. 🥳️ Dr. HG (my surgeon) has always wanted to host a fashion show with patients as models. Her dream finally came true! She and her team were so thoughtful in every detail, and really crafted a beautiful experience for us. We reminisced over the highs and lows of our cancer journeys, filmed interviews, picked out beautiful clothes, practiced posing and walking, took way too many pictures, laughed, cried- it was so special! A cancer journey is no tropical cruise, ok? But sharing memories and moments with other survivors, who understand all that you’ve faced, is amazing. My favorite part was getting to spend a whole day with Dr. Tan, my oncologist, outside of the hospital! We spend so much time together, but it’s always very professional. How many people can say they got “glammed up” and strutted around a stage with their doctor? 😂 I love her, I love my hospital, and I’m just so grateful for the quality of my experience there. The fashion show is just a cherry on top!

I gave a speech!

Say what?? My speech therapist would be so proud of me! And you know what? I’m proud of me, too. 😊 I used to speak in front of groups easily and frequently. I wasn’t a professional or anything, but as a teacher I had to give presentations, teach, lead, etc. After my brain tumor, I struggled to simply say the words my brain wanted to say. I needed months of speech and cognitive therapy, relearning “normal” things. I haven’t volunteered to read in front of a group of people since then. I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Three years later…I found myself behind a mic one Sunday morning, sharing my story of joining my church and what it meant to me. My heart was beating so fast, but I read easily! I didn’t stutter. I didn’t lose my train of thought. It was as if nothing had ever happened. 😭 And what a safe place, and a great story, to share. (Watch Here)

My CT Scan was clear!

March kept winning, you guys. This clear CT scan was especially exciting because it sets a new precedent: 2 consecutive clear scans! December’s PET showed no active cancer, and I decided to low-key call myself, “No Evidence of Disease.” (See more about that here) March’s CT showed no physical signs of tumors. (Yahoo!) So I am naming and claiming “3 Months NED.” I don’t have a certificate. My treatment plans have not changed. I hold labels loosely, knowing that they do not limit/define God’s healing in my life. And yet… I am “3 Months NED!” 🥳️

I performed again!

My french horn and I spent a lot of time together this month! I accompanied the choir at church for an anthem, and it was so special. My french horn and I have been on quite a journey. The Reader’s Digest version: I played weekly until my diagnosis. After my brain tumor, I wasn’t allowed to play. Once I was cleared, I developed an allergy to the metal and broke out in a huge rash that took months to go away. Thanks, immunotherapy! 😜 For Christmas last year, my parents got me a special mouthpiece that was allergy-free. Now, I can play anytime! I’ve been slow to reintroduce playing in my life, just because it takes time, you know? Well Mr. Lail asked if I’d like to play with the choir, and I said, “Ok!” I practiced after work (almost) every day this month, just a few minutes, slowly rebuilding my confidence. The first rehearsal felt surreal, like I was looking back in time. It fit like a glove! My brain didn’t let me down, and I kept up with the music just fine! I almost cried, honestly. French horn playing is just one of the many parts of my life that was a casualty of my cancer journey. It broke my heart when it had to change, or pause, not knowing how long it would last. It’s especially sweet that this season allowed me 1- the opportunity, 2- the time, 3- the ability/skill, and 4- the love and support of my church as the first place to try!

Best of all, March isn’t over! There’s one more fun event coming up, but I’ll save it for next time. 😉

Not pictured in this replay: anxious days, a stressed heart, lots of work, etc. Also not pictured: friends, good books, listening to the rain, writing, baking muffins, and more than I could ever list! I keep saying it, but it’s true- God is so generous and so kind. I am overwhelmed by the goodness He’s placed in my life. Every day tempts me to dwell on the heavy or the awkward, and every day I pray that God will keep my eyes on Him. In many ways, I think “real life” is sneakier than cancer. Comparatively, there’s less to worry me, right? It’s more of a death-by-a-thousand-cuts struggle for me. Slowly, subconsciously, fatigue and stress and busyness pull me farther from where I want to be. I don’t want that heaviness to be my norm. Focusing on the goodness, and God’s tender care, reminds me that it isn’t. My norm is is actually walking hand in hand with my Heavenly Father. He’s always here, always loving me, and always picking me up when I fall. That’s what I want to remember.

So from the daily grind to the big wins, March was full and beautiful and such a gift! Thank you, God! ♥️