Much Ado About Nothing
I didn’t squeeze in an April post, but here I am! 😂 While I don’t think anything could top March 2024, April has been delightfully alright. Nothing terribly dramatic, nothing off the charts, just a dependable, normal month.
…and what a priviledge that is!
In my last post, I mentioned one more fun event before March would end. Andrew and I were asked to be godparents for our sweet nephew. He was baptised on Easter Sunday! It was precious in every way. ♥️
After a brief respite for Easter break, life was back in action! Busy, busy, busy. I haven’t been this busy in a long time, and I’m still being careful how I spend my time. There are several groups I haven’t rejoined and weekly routines I haven’t resumed. I really hope to enjoy them one day again soon, but I also know my limits. For years in my pre-cancer life, I sustained a really intense schedule of rehearsals and commitments. (Plus full time teaching, grad school, and yoga classes, and Andrew dates…it was a lot!) I’ve just always been an activities girl, haha. There was a time, during cancer, that I anxiously awaited the season of life where all those beautiful pieces would click back into place. I still miss them. I also realize (over many years, and many tears) that I can be happy without them. I know now that I’m still me, no matter what events are on my calendar. I’m first and always a child of God, simply stewarding the life He’s given me. In this season, He’s given me different pieces- still beautiful, just different. I count simply going to work each day, coming home to tend to our happy little house, and spending time with Moo and Andrew after supper, a successful, full day! I’m not less of a person, or less of myself. WHAT A GIFT!
Thank you, God, for healing my broken heart! I remember feeling so lost for so long. (You may remember reading some of those posts!) Wondering who I was if I wasn’t teaching, or playing music. Wondering why I was still here or how I should fill each day. Grateful to be here, of course, but very confused. A cancer journey is a doozy, friends. So much heartache, and therapy, and wrestling with questions and existential crises- and that’s without even adding the obvious physical illness and body changes. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to process such things without the help of the Holy Spirit working in and around me every step of the way. God is so good!
There’s a always one week each month where (for whatever reason) I have like, 5 appointments/meetings in the same week. 😜 (Why? How?) The stress, spring allergies, and school germs were the perfect storm. I ended up getting sick for about a week or so, but I’m thankful to be on the upside! My body is a little more susceptible to stress and germs in general. It was annoying, but it reminded me again to care for my good body, to trust God to provide instead of striving 110%, and to take life at the speed I need to.
With all of that said: I finally feel at peace saying that I’m not ready to go back to the classroom. (News alert!)
This year was a great experiment! I really love the part-time tutoring job I have. It’s all the best parts of teaching without the worst- all for two days a week. I mean, what a dream! I know it’s not guaranteed again next year, but I trust God to open whatever door is right for me. And while the classroom teaching door has been open for a while, I don’t feel the need/peace to walk through it right now. I think what I have (plus working at church and writing/podcasting) is enough work for me. 😉
So life is just moving along in a most predictable, dependable fashion. I’m soaking it up, knowing what a blessing it is. I started this post thinking it was much ado about nothing- rambling thoughts about how busy I was, while not as busy as I used to be or could be, just pacing myself. 😂 As usual, my typing has wandered to a completely new place. I feel at peace in this season. It feels good to “say” it out loud. I’m happy here. I’m content. I pray I never forget how God crafted this just-right season, with just-right work options, that meet my needs just right. It’s not what I envisioned, but it’s better because it allowed me to continue to heal and recover, while also trusting Him and really enjoying it. Learning to walk with Him, to and through the doors He opens, is something I never really knew…Even after I went back to school after my first round of cancer and treatment, I was still holding pretty tightly to everything that “made up” my life. It was horrible and heartbreaking to lose it all a second time, AND God sent the help I needed to survive it- physically and spiritually. I feel like this moment in my life, where I’m content with the pieces He’s given me, and am choosing to hold them instead of trading them in at the first opportunity, is some real personal growth for me! 😜😭🙌 Hallelujah and Amen!
This time last year I was walking out of one door and to another, having absolutely no clue where I was going. This summer I am EXCITED! Who knows where He’s taking me next??
The King of love my shepherd is,
whose goodness faileth never.
I nothing lack if I am his,
and he is mine forever.
And so through all the length of days,
thy goodness faileth never;
Good Shepherd, may I sing thy praise
within thy house forever! -”The King of Love My Shepherd Is” by HW Baker
